The Boy Who Cried Wolf

2 Corinthians 1:12-2:4

We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we have lived with a God-given holiness and sincerity in all our dealings.

How I'd love to be able to say that.

I could end this blog entry right here, because that about sums it up. In so many of my dealings, I know that I am not entirely honest. Like a politician, I can use a half-truth to imply something that is not-truth. I can parcel out the proper set of facts that will shape a truth out of falsehood. Ironically, I do these things so that I can convince myself that I actually do have a clear conscience.

Even here, while I seem to be confessing my terrible shortcomings, I am hoping to create the implication that "I'm not all that bad." Or "We're all like this, right?" I seek collusion, co-conspirators, enablers. Someone to tell me that I'm okay, and that our struggle is a common one.

How brazen it seems for Paul and Timothy to say "We have a clear conscience."

Our letters have been straightforward, and there is nothing written between the lines . . .

I know that I have within me the capacity to manipulate the facts, but I aspire to be straightforward and honest. So when I actually set aside my self-centered agendas and take a straightforward approach, I get a little upset when I'm not taken seriously.

I'm the boy who cried wolf. You can believe me . . . this time. But I'm honest enough with myself to doubt my own honesty. Even when I think I'm being sincere, I worry about whether my motivations are properly aligned.

Paul says that people of this world say "Yes" when they really mean "No." But he points to the example of Jesus -- our standard -- as someone who never waivered between yes and no.

For those of us who just can't seem to say what we mean (and I really do hope I'm not alone in this) Paul offers this: "It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ." At the beginning of this passage, Paul says his holiness and sincerity is "God-given." It seems it would have to be. As fallen people in a fallen world, it seems supernatural intervention is required for us to truly adhere to the standard set by Jesus.

I don't need fellow enablers to salve my guilty conscience. I need the Holy Spirit as my sole enabler to guide me toward a clear conscience.